Sad, Afraid,Unmotivated

Hey.

Im sad, Im scared and Im unmotivated

Im sad because I will be leaving home, and live in a new placed. Far from my family

Im scared because  I don't know what Im gonna face and I literally not ready for it.

Im unmotivated because Im confused. What am I gonna do, what should I wear? Despite googling the information, it still blurry. Am I doom?

How can I confess that I love you?
How can I confess that I Miss you?
How can I tell you that I've been  waiting for you?
How can I tell you that this feeling has been growing since the first time we met?

I'm confused
I'm afraid
I'm insecure

why?

Because i love our friendship.. I don't wanna lose it just because of my feelings towards you.

my heart has been broken once by you before.. itis not your fault tho..
when i know that you has special relationship with my own friend...
she told me herself...
not knowing that I also have the same feeling toward you that time...
since then, i try to forget my feeling... i tried tho.. but it's not fading.. 

now, she has already married..
and you? i don't know your status..
because you never told me..

waiting
everyday
every night

it is hard tho
waiting for you

Dari Tahun Satu, Aku suka Kamu

Bismillah

Hey you.
Yes you.
You the one who annoyed me the most.
Since the first day we met.
yes, since then..
that annoying face
that annoying attitude
that annoying voice
that annoying laugh
become one of my friend who I dear the most till now

Since our first year, I have feelings for you
I don't know when it begun
cause, all I know is that you are an annoying person
who always there for me
why? why must i have feelings for you?
I don't wanna admit it
cause I don't wanna lose our friendship
that annoying feelings bout you change to kinda good annoying feeling
if you know what i mean

I smile when you called me
I smile whenever you text me
even though it is just a text to say hey
our conversations were only full of fighting, and condemning each other as that was our kind of talking since we met..

and after a year and a half since we've graduated, yesterday was the first time I saw you
yup, you were still as annoying as you can be
and yes, since we called each other "mok" and it cause your friend to feel weird and ask why you called me that..and we didn't have the answer.. yet you said I'm fat eventhough you know I'm not and same goes to me.

I don't have the courage to ask your status, whether you are single or not cause im afraid that i'll be broken inside nor have the feeling to ask you out..cause i really don't wanna lose a friend like you.
Plus, Im a girl..

So, let me just keep this feelings inside me.
Aku suka kau dari tahun satu.

Im Back!

Yuhhhhuuu .... Assalamualaikum...

Im back! With a new spirit, with a new edited themes, with a new ambition..insyaAllah

How long has it been since my last visit to my precious personal writing heaven??? 2 Years? 3 Years?

kalau perasan, ni post pertama untuk 2018, and ni jugak post pertama dalam blog ni...why? I just deleted all my post from 2010 till 2017.. kenapa delete? simply because aku nak start chapter baru..tapi aku delete bukan bermakna aku lupakan semua yang pernah berlaku dalam hidup aku...semua tu jadi memori sampai bila-bila.. kita bukan boleh ubah masa lampau kan. Lagipun, ada post yang aku karang masa aku budak hingusan...and it make me cringe af bila aku sendiri baca apa yang aku tulis... betapa tak matangnya aku..*sekarang ni dah matang sikit la* ...kikiki...

Me in 2018.. insyaAllah...akan bergelar pelajar semula..terima kasih kepada Mak, kepada Ayah..yang support apa yang anak diorang ni buat... lepas habis degree aku lost...terkapai-kapai sebenarnya...tapi mak ayah masih sokong aku, diorang tak marah anak diorang ni lost tanpa arah tuju.. aku pun malu dengan diri sendiri, malu dengan mak ayah aku, malu dengan kawan2 yang dah berjaya...sedangkan aku? melukut, sembunyi dalam rumah.. sampaila satu hari, ada offer sambung master...mak yag suruh aku terima offer..keluar dari kepompong mak ayah...pergi belajar luar dari kawasan selesa aku... yup, aku rasa aku manja..nak duduk rumah je kalau boleh...lansung tak mendatangkan untungkan?? Allah...

so, aku harap sangat, 2018 ni aku buat perubahan pada diri sendiri... aku kena jugak buat..tak boleh nak mengada-ngada lagi.
doakan aku. Amin.